Thursday, 26 July 2012

Staying Strong

If this goes on, I can't promise how long I can keep my sanity. Sigh, I honestly do not know what I'm feeling now at this every moment. I would be lying if I said I was completely fine but I also would be lying if I said I didn't have a reason to smile. 

 Am I suppose to be excited for speech day?
 Am I suppose to smile because I'm in love?
 Am I suppose to rejoice because the weekends are coming? 
Or am I suppose to cry because I'm going insane? 

I don't want to sound all emo and melodrama here but I'm really lost. There's this fear inside of me that is slowly killing me. It's like a slow drug that kills every part of my being. A drug that steals away my happiness. 

What if what I fear comes true? 
What if the most expected thing happens? 
What if my life is never going to be the same again? 
What if I'm not ready for what is to come?

 All these thoughts flood my mind everyday and I'm fighting this constant battle. My school, friends, family and CCA are just asking so much of me and meeting all the expectations is starting to become a challenge. Looking at how much my life has change this month, I really do have a reason to smile. However, physical presence can never compare to anything else. The long messages and phone calls will never be able to compare to the time I actually spent with that person. I got to admit that I never needed someone in my life so badly - apart from my parents and best friends. I have never spend night after night lying on my bed counting down to the day I get to meet that person again. Well I guess all I can do now is wait. Time will pass and the future will slowly creep into my life. Whatever it my bring, whatever it my carry, is not at this point, for me to worry. 


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