At times like this, I really don't know what to feel anymore.
Don't they say family are the one you can always turn to when you're in need?
Yeah, maybe for most people that's the case.
For me? I don't know if I can say the same.
As some of you know, my mid-year results were horrible. As such, I've been using this holiday to catch up with my work. However, some people in my life just can't seem to believe in me again. I get it that is was my fault for failing and all but I can't get over the fact that my he can't trust me anymore. Lets not talk about results. For awhile now, I have been feeling so distant. They think they know me really well but in actual fact they don't. I've been through so much they don't know. When I say much, I mean it. I've gone through stuff most teenagers don't go through. All the regrets. stress & fear I have to bare.
How many times have I cried myself to sleep? I don't even know. Being the only child makes it even worse. I have no one to turn too. I know there's Steve and Kelly but they too have their problems. I can't keep relying on them right? Sigh. I don't even know.
What is family? I ask myself.
I can't feel it anymore. Our hearts are just too far away. No matter how much I try, I can't deny that fact. I mean, which child would find it awkward wishing their parents happy Father's or Mother's Day? Everything that is happening around me really makes me want to move out when I'm older. I really don't know how long I can go on like this. I'm so lost and confused really. What am I going to do? Sigh, I can't even meet Steve even though he's coming home soon. Everything is so hard now. I feel like I'm alive but barely breathing.
I'm a misunderstood teenager. I get jealous when people are close to their parents.... I feel like I can't love anymore. Don't get me wrong but much as I want to, I can't ): I don't even know where the happy me has gone to. Maybe it was gone when I lost it. Sigh, I'm really lost, sad and angry all at the same. Someone save me.