Sunday, 7 July 2013

80. Dreams

Late last night, something came to my mind. Who am I? 

I guess, finding who you really is something everyone wants to achieve. However, we all know it ain't that easy. To be honest, I dare to say that many of you reading my blog now don't even know the answer to that. Well, to make you feel better, I don't know too. 

17 years of my life has gone by and even though I achieved many things, there wasn't something big enough to keep me wanting more. Being a student, I am really excited to get out there and see the World. I don't want to be tied down by rules and regulations. Not so much because I'm a rebellious student, but more of the desire to be free. You know what I mean? 

Looking around me, I can see how many people are living their dreams. 

Taking singers as an example.While watching their interviews and music videos online, I can see that tinge of happiness in their eyes and smile. I can see the joy of expressing themselves through music. As I admire their expressions on their faces, I can't help but to imagine if that was me someday. Then I look at directors. The sense of accomplishment they get producing every movie. Watching how the movie they produced top the numerous charts. Thinking about me experiencing that someday is already mind blowing enough. It's so crazy till the me sitting there in my room last night could feel breathless just at that thought.

I realized that I have been searching for myself for the longest time ever. I realized that I have been going from place to place to see what fulfills my heart. Every new place I find, I give it a sort. At times, I will come across quotes and those quotes can change my perspective of something just at that split second. Hence, I came to realize that life is ever changing. I'm sure we are all familiar with the saying "PEOPLE CHANGE." So going along that, what keeps me alive changes from time to time. 

As a kid, food and being able to go out to play motivated me.
In Primary school, dance and friends made me excited for school.
At lower sec, early dismissal made my day.
And currently, getting done and over with O's is what I can't wait for. 

So you see, what keeps you going can change. It cannot stay stagnant.In fact, it never will.  

To cut the story short, I was thinking real hard to see what keeps me really going. I was thinking about what I love doing so much till it can become my passion. For something to become your passion, you need to constantly grow. You need to see improvement. Improvement keeps you wanting more, it keeps you excited for what is to come. However, I didn't have an answer. I knew what were my dreams at the back of my mind. A few I could think of were, (1) A business women or (2) A movie director. Though these dreams seemed like something that could keep my alive, I could feel that there was something missing. 

As it was around 1am, I decided to sleep and stop over thinking. I told myself that I would start finding what I love doing when I wake up, which is of course, today. At that thought, waking up this morning got me really inspired. I was really excited to somehow start "finding" myself. I switched on my computer in hope of watching a good motivational video to start my day. I thought something like that would be able to start my journey right. However, that wasn't that I ended up doing. 

If you guessed it correctly, I started blogging. 

I started blogging about all my emotions and what I was feeling last night. I started blogging this post you are reading now. And as I was typing, I started to realize that blogging is my passion. I started blogging in 2008 and as you can see, I still am today. Having a blog 6 years ago was merely just to express my feelings and thoughts. If you read my blog then, you would be able to see the anger, joy, love, like & dislike I faced during the day. Now, my blog is more than that.

At the beginning of the year, I tried going into fashion and starting posting #ootds and my loots I got for the day. Now, my blog thanks to my has become a site for advice. My changed a lot since the day I created it. Before, it was a site for haters, sickos and weird people. Today, it has turned into a platform for advice. It's just insane. Not only that, I found myself becoming more mature after reading some of the stories. I started to learn some things in life as well.

I will be very thankful if you read till this part of the blog post but the purpose of this post was to finally admit to myself that I want to be a blogger. Not as a job, but as one of my passion. I am a girl that lives for many things. I can get inspired and motivated by almost anything and everything. Hence, I have decided that I will be that girl who isn't afraid to go out there, into the world, to live life and come home to blog about how the experience felt.

Blogging to me will never die and I just hope that in time to come, my blog will become a place where people will want to visit to gain motivation. I hope my blog would be so different from the rest of the bloggers out there. I hope my blog will be a place where magic and inspiration happens because no dreams will crushed or condemned in this little space of mine. Feel free to ask for advice or post any questions to my - - and I will reply them in my free time. I hope you enjoyed this reflection post and to everyone out there, I wish you an amazing Sunday ahead.


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