Friday, 1 November 2013

A cruel world, a confused heart, 1st November

1st November. 

Just as I thought I was able to enjoyed the freshness of the month, I was wrong. 
I woke up to hear the voice of my dad over the kitchen table telling me how cruel this world is. 

"This World is very cruel, don't believe everything people say" were the exact words. 

I don't disagree that this world isn't cruel. Nonetheless, I cannot neglect the fact that we as humans still have a heart. If we ignore those extremist whose heart and brains have been brainwashed, the world isn't that bad of a place. People turn evil because of the 3 main things. Money, Power and Greed. Is that not the basis of what every human wants? We all want to be on top, we all want to control. That's our nature. 

To further explain my thoughts, I shall continue...

My image of the World at age 17 is a rather confusing one. Sometimes, I too am caught between the girl I want to be. I don't really have an answer as of now but at the moment, I'm trying to find a good balance between the both. Therefore, since I have already figured that the world is a "cruel" place, why do I still then want to hear my father tell me that? What I needed was more love, hope & kindness. 

What I wanted to hear was that there is still hope. 
What I wanted to hear from him was that the world is still beautiful despite her flaws. 
What I wanted to hear was that motivation to make this world a better place. 

But well, that of course did not happen.... 

Maybe, I'm still naive but I just expected to hear something deeper than the surface. I expected to see character shine through this man who lived so much longer than I have. I just wanted to hear and learn a value I can hold close to my heart. Be it trust, love, care, kindness, patience or just a simply forgiveness. I have been taught over and over again in my school to nature and cultivate these values. I have had countless of devotions telling me how one should love and live. After 5 years, these values have been instilled in me subconsciously. Hence, why aren't these values seen in the adults? 

I don't want to question as the answer would be yet again "the world". 
Why? Why are we being swayed by the world? What happened to the values and dreams we once held so close to our hearts? I don't understand. Maybe I'm just too young to comprehend but at least I can take comfort in the fact that books like "Tuesdays with Morrie" still hold these values so close. I probably would experience life myself in years to come but what I am left with now is a confused but not disheartened heart, waiting for something or someone to come along to guide it her way. 


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