Monday, 1 September 2014

Rejected? Should I try again? Or give up?

Recently on my ask.fm, there have been maybe questions on how one should deal with the rejection of a crush..... or when one should decide to give up and move on after being rejected. Therefore, I decided to compile all my thoughts on this and made it into this blog post that you're now reading. This way, my answers to these questions can be more elaborate and detailed.

To all those going through a rejection, I feel you. I too have been rejected before and I know how much it can affect you. Nonetheless, you just need to know that things will get better and that you'e going to be okay. I hope this post will be of help to you and you will feel less at a lost after reading this post. 


What can you do? 


1. Evaluate why you got rejected. 

Maybe it was the way you confessed to that person? 
Maybe that person just find it impossible to have those kind of feelings for you?
Or maybe that person isn't currently ready for a relationship? 

No matter what the reason of rejection, list out the many possible reasons why that person may have rejected you and then decide what to do next. You must keep your mind very calm and clear for this. Don't be too affected by all the negative thoughts. You might want to ask a friend to help you along with this. Preferably someone you can trust and can think rationally. 


2. Decide on the next action 

Let's take the first reason above as an example. So you have this person in mind and you confessed to them through text. Hmms, that wasn't very sincere way to confess right? Oops, wrong move. Therefore, now that you know, you might want to try again.

In the above situation, that person I mentioned may have decided to try again. As such, if you think you want to try again despite the first rejection, go for it. Nonetheless, you need to be prepared for the worst. You need to prepare yourself for a second rejection. Whatever your reason may be for trying again, you cannot keep your hopes up too high. Keep it low and hope for the best. If the person still rejects you after you tried your best, it is time you should choose let go & move on.

Some of you might also skip the trying again part and go directly to the moving on. At the same time however, some of you might not know how or when you should decide if that person is still worth it or not. As such, do read on for situations in which I would move on from, as well as, a few tips on how you can move on from your rejection.

If you are experiencing a rejection from an ex-relationship for your wanting of getting back together, I do have a link of another blog post I did at the bottom for a more relationship based moving on. 


So.....in what situations should you choose to move on? 

(A) When that person is already taken.
(B) When that person told you to stop. 
(C) When that person is clearly taking advantage of you 
(D) When you tried your best and that person still can't accept you 

PS: This is my personal opinion. Your factors as to when you should give up may defer from mine. Just take note that this is merely my point of view. If you think my explanation ain't making any sense, you don't have to agree with me. 


Now, I will briefly talk about the 4 situations above. 

(A) If the person you like is already attached, give up immediately. It is not right to like someone who is already in a happy relationship. I know you can't exactly control it sometimes but you need to tell yourself that you're not going to be the one that come between their relationship. Always keep this in mind, "Do not be the one you would hate if you were the one in the relationship." 

(B) If the person you like is begging you to give up because she genuinely has no feelings for you, do as they wish. I know sometimes a person may push others away from reasons but if the person you confessed too really feels that the both of you can't work out, don't hold on. Set both you and that person free. In addition, I am sure the other person would be worried about them unintentionally hurting you further. Therefore save them the worry and let them go. I know it's hard but we do have to learn that..... if things aren't meant to be, you can't force it across either.   

(C) Sometimes, you may find yourself being used by the person you like. You've confessed to them and they might have rejected your or whatsoever. Nonetheless, you may find them still talking to you and asking you for help whenever they are in trouble. Sometimes, people may take advantage of the fact that you like them to get you to do things for them. If you ever find yourself being treated like that, stop it. Don't hold on. It should be clear to you at that point that the person is already treating you like crap and he or she totally careless about your feelings. Therefore, he or she does not deserve you and you need to cut all contact with them immediately. Don't be fooled by them and blindly allow them to make use of you. You my friend, are better than that. 

(D) Lastly, when you've tired your best and still comes down to nothing, let go. Don't hurt yourself anymore. I know there might be a lot of reasons to hold on but you need to know what's best for you. You shouldn't hold on because if you do, you'll never get out of it. You will find yourself stuck in this cage and it's going to be hard on you. Therefore, see things with an open mind and accept the fact that the person just may not be the one for you. 


How to move on? 

The first step you can take would be to stop talking that person completely. You might have been texting them these past few months and it may seem like just a pity to give up all of that. Nonetheless, you need to know that if you want to get over them, you cannot have their name appearing on your phone every now and then. Following that, you should refrain yourself from stalking their social media. I know that there will be a very big urge of looking at their tweets and stuff like that but you need to do what is best for you. 

The next thing you have to do would be to re-inspire yourself. Instead of putting all your energy into the negative emotions, transfer it somewhere else. An example would be learning how to play a new sport, or engaging yourself in something you like. If you don't have any hobbies or interest, don't worry....going out with some friends will be beneficial as well. Just basically try to keep yourself as occupied as possible and let time heal your heart. 

Finally, when you are ready, allow yourself to feel all those emotions of liking someone again. As you go along, you will meet new people. And when you do, don't close yourself, but be open. Be open in terms of being courageous. Don't let one fail confession bring you down. When you are healed and ready to move on fully, allow yourself to like someone new. Nonetheless, don't just go around like any random person that comes along. You know what kind of person you need in your life. Therefore, take time to look for the one you think is right for you. Nonetheless, I cannot grantee that the next person you end up dating will definitely work out, but what I can promise you is that, it wouldn't be the end if it can't. So promise me and yourself one thing, no matter what happens, keep an open mind and never give up on love. 


Related Post: http://kimberleyyong.blogspot.sg/2013/07/82-getting-over-you.html



xoxo

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