Tuesday, 2 December 2014

How do you know if he's the right guy?

The answer is, you won't. Well, of course you can also avoid getting into a relationship with the obvious wrong ones. Nonetheless, we wouldn't really know if he's the one. Would we? 

Here are some of the signs I picked out from the famous "Thought Catalog"

1. You never feel manipulated or messed with. 
You never feel guilt in doing something you don't want to do, 
or pressured to be someone else. 

2. When you’re telling a story, they pay attention. 
They don’t look at the TV or pick up their phone. 
They really look you in the face and hear you.

3. You communicate during sex about what you like and 
want and you feel comfortable doing so.

4. You find them interesting as a person. 
You feel inspired by them and their enthusiasm and passion.

5. You’re able to do your own thing and be independent 
without them making you feel bad about it or whining that they have 
nothing to do with you. You’re able to be your own people.

6. You make plans for the future and stick to them. 
You know they are reliable and that you can count on them to be there for you.

7. They relieve the stress in your life, not add to it. Thank god.

Yes, I agree that all the above are indeed the correct signs to tell if he's truly the one. Nonetheless, only time can tell. I mean, don't we all go into a relationship hoping for the best? We obviously want the relationship we're in to end up in marriage. However, we also do know that not everything might turn out like the way we want them to be.

Here are a few reasons why? 

(1) People change - Sometimes, the guy you see right in front of you wouldn't be the same guy you see after 1 year of being with you. He may get tired, bored or even lose the love. I mean let's face it, we all know anything can happen. Therefore, he may seem like "the one" for you in the beginning when he's actually not. And girls/guys, it's okay to fall out of love when you're a teen. Not many people are actually ready to settle just yet. If you're between 13 - 18, it's okay to go through breakups. Trust me, it will not be the end of your love life. You still have so long more to go beforey you actually consider about marriage. Hence, if you feel that the person you're dating isn't "the one", don't settle for less. Pick up your courage, leave the  bad r/s you're in & find your better. 

(2) Weak foundation - Sometimes, it's not the guys' fault completely. In some cases, both parties share an equal responsibility. Some couples who aren't that close tend not to move at the same pace. They prefer doing their own things without telling their other half. When that happens, the relationship wouldn't have a strong foundation and thus, holding a lesser importance to their lives when compared to other things. Therefore, this might risk one party realizing that this relationship isn't exactly progressing.

(3) Expectations - After getting together with someone, it is only natural that you have a change in expectations for them. A good example to illustrate would be, your birthday. When you're are in a relationship, you'll probably expect your partner to do something really sweet and "big" for you on your birthday. Especially if you're a girl, right? However, if you were to think back when you guys were exclusively dating or just dating, the thought of spending your birthday with him/her was already enough. No need for presents, dinners or a big celebration.

Therefore, this change in expectation can sometime cause your partner to feel very pressured and at a lost. For people that aren't so experienced, they might not be able to handle it when you get mad because expectations are not met. Some people might end up in arguments and fights. The only way to prevent this would be good communication between the couple. Sometimes, you as a guy or a girl needs to tell each other how you feel. If you feel that your guy is not putting in enough effort, tell him. If you feel your girl can't see your effort, tell her. If you think someone isn't meeting or expecting too much, speak up. This is the only way the both of you can understand one another. Hence couples with weak communication might risk the end of the relationship after some time.

So the question is.... How do I suggest going about finding a person that's right for you? 

? To me, it's about dating all the wrong ones. It's not about getting a first boyfriend and determining he's the one for you. Yes, it's not wrong to believe that when you're in a relationship. Nonetheless, if things were to turn out not how to expected it, it's okay. Don't be afraid to move on and fall in love again.

After my first relationship ended, I realized I needed a guy with aspirations, not someone that just comes home and game and sleep. After my second relationship, I realize that I needed a guy that's caring and a perhaps a little clingy or attached. After the guys I dated, I realized what kind of personalities I would connect better with.

So you see, as you go along your dating life, you will realize what kind of guy you need. Sometimes, it may be a little bit different from the kind of guy you want. However, that's okay. And it's okay because you'll realize there's no perfect guy. And it is through all this dating and relationship that you will learn. You will learn how to better handle situations and the kind of relationship you want. You will learn to understand yourself better and learn what it's truly like to love someone. You will learn that perfection is not realistic and it's okay to have flaws. Flaws are just a part of us being human.

It's cliche but some people are really put in your life to teach you something. Sometimes, not everyone stay by you. This is like, isn't it? Personally, I live by the saying "Whatever will be, will be." As such, it doesn't matter if we actually get married or not. All that matters is how much we love and treasure our relationship right now. Because if we love hard and right, you'll definitely stick together long enough for the wedding bells. If two people are meant to be, they will be.


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